Tag Archive | life

Aloneness has many faces doesn’t it? But it seems to have come at a cost…

Where I go in my dreams ­čÖé

When will I learn to get a good nights sleep? I said, self no staying up late working online and then writing on your blog. Well that didn’t happen. I ended up staying up until 2am. And now I’m paying for it big time. The question is, was it necessary to stay up that late? Did I really accomplish anything? No on both. I kept asking my self last night. Why do you have such a hard time going to bed at a decent hour? Maybe it’s because that’s when everything around me is at it’s calmest. There are no distraction, no one pulling me in hundred different directions. It’s all about me. It’s my personal time. I have to admit I do enjoy my quite times. Around this house it doesn’t happen to often. lol Would I really want it too give up the sounds of laughter, loud chatter, discussions about which is the best way to lose weight, or hey Dad, do you want to send for your DNA swab to see where you came from? Or the tiny voices and giggles of my favorite ones, the grand kids? Absolutely not! I guess I’ll just have to shorten the duration of my aloneness. Not make it an almost all niter. Enough of this dragging the next day, and wishing for straight black coffee to keep me awake enough to function. Where’s the toothpicks when you need them? I need to see with my eyes and even they are turning against me.

OK, then maybe I’ll try some sleeping pills tonight. Hopefully I will dream I’m resting alone on the beach, hearing the waves break in the distance. And no one else is there but me. Calgon take me away….


Fall Into You

This is a very sad song called…”Fall Into You.”┬á Made me think of my life and the choices I’ve made.┬á What if I lost everything I love the most? Would I be able to go on and be strong? Would I turn away┬áand put blinders on, become so weak and not be able to see there was a higher being there who was waiting to catch me when I fall? Would all my hearing disappear and I just crumble? Which direction would I fall? What a powerful and touching song!

One of My Special Girls!

I remember the day I found out I was expecting you. I was so scared and unsure if I would be a good Mother. Before I knew it, you were breathing your first breath of air and crying out for me.” Hold me Mom, keep me safe.” ┬áI took you into my arms and quickly your crying stopped. I looked at you in my arms. You seemed so tiny, so fragile. I was afraid I might break you right in my arms. I thought there is so much to learn about being a Mom. I had only one great example to go by. But I never saw her with anyone as small as you. But still, I remember she held me in her arms when I was sad, scared or sick. So that is what I’ll do. Hold you close in my arms until I know your alright. I realized as each day passed. You don’t need to be a perfect Mom, just a loving one. The rest will come naturally.

Turn Around

My baby, my own.

Turn around and you’re two.

Turn around and you’re four.

Turn around and you’re a young girl.


Going out of the door.

Turn around, ┬áturn around and you’re a young wife.

With babes of your own.






Your beautiful from the inside in

And even though your all grown up

You’ll always be

My Special Girl


This post is dedicated to my first born, Jessica.




Baby in a Bubble

Originally uploaded by Esther Huff 2009



Love watching┬ámy grand children┬ádiscover new things.┬áHere is my grand-daughter┬áBrielle,┬á very curious about the balls inside the round bubble. She tried desperately to touch the balls in the bubble. Unfortunately,┬áthey were encased┬áin plastic.┬á My daughter (her mommy) helped her up, so she could get close enough to touch the them from the outside. It was so cute watching her press her tiny face against the plastic pane.┬áAs she did this, she caught us looking back at her so┬áshe pressed her face even harder.┬á Children at this age are curious about the world around them. It’s wonderful to take these opportunities to allow them┬áto discover.┬áI titled this post “Baby in a Bubble,” because that’s actually what she looked like – a┬ábaby inside a bubble. I hope you enjoyed this little piece of my heaven.

A child’s┬á new discoveries┬áis life’s way of┬áletting our┬áold eyes┬á see what we take for granted! ­čÖé

But You Don’t Look Sick!

The beautiful woman in the picture above is my big sister.

If you met my sister you probably would never know she was sick with a terrible disease like, advance cirrhosis of the liver.

Here’s a question my sister faces pretty often in her daily life. But you don’t look sick!

See one day she was going along with her life as she always had. Going to work, caring for her family and grand children, then she became so very ill and ended up in the hospital. While she was in the hospital and having many test done, this is when she found out she had cirrhosis of the liver. She had no idea she was that sick. She hadn’t felt herself for about a year. She was battling excruciating back pain, and side pain. She has never been the type of person to complain or whine if she isn’t feeling good. So no one had a clue how much she was suffering in silence. That’s why when she ended up in the hospital so sick, people were in shock. Because she didn’t LOOK sick.┬áWhen┬áshe was released from the hospital, family, friends and co-workers started coming to visit her. The first thing out of their mouth was, “You don’t look sick.” my sister shook her head, then said, “how do they expect me to look?” I could tell this was becoming frustrating for her. Because only a small few knew what it took for her to look the way she does each morning. I am one of the those few.

It’s amazing what eye┬áconcealer, foundation, eye make-up, a bot load of medication and a great attitude can do. It’s not until┬ámy sister gets home from work, do you see the tiredness┬áin her eyes, her walk is slower and the pain has set in with a vengeance. And only then is when you know┬áhow sick she really is. Some mornings I find her sprawled┬áout on her bed unable to get up, because she has just thrown up for the umpth┬átime. I suggest to my sister, ” why don’t you call in today? Even God took a day off.” but no, that is not my sister’s style. She’s to busy worrying about Christmas coming. Always trying to help the other person, never thinking of her self first. I know people mean well. They don’t make that comment to┬áupset or hurt her. Maybe they feel if they say it enough, it might, will the disease away. Wouldn’t that be wonderful?

Eleanor Roosevelt said it best, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” The longer┬áshe lives with this disease, the more┬áI realize how true that statement is.