Aloneness has many faces doesn’t it? But it seems to have come at a cost…

Where I go in my dreams 🙂

When will I learn to get a good nights sleep? I said, self no staying up late working online and then writing on your blog. Well that didn’t happen. I ended up staying up until 2am. And now I’m paying for it big time. The question is, was it necessary to stay up that late? Did I really accomplish anything? No on both. I kept asking my self last night. Why do you have such a hard time going to bed at a decent hour? Maybe it’s because that’s when everything around me is at it’s calmest. There are no distraction, no one pulling me in hundred different directions. It’s all about me. It’s my personal time. I have to admit I do enjoy my quite times. Around this house it doesn’t happen to often. lol Would I really want it too give up the sounds of laughter, loud chatter, discussions about which is the best way to lose weight, or hey Dad, do you want to send for your DNA swab to see where you came from? Or the tiny voices and giggles of my favorite ones, the grand kids? Absolutely not! I guess I’ll just have to shorten the duration of my aloneness. Not make it an almost all niter. Enough of this dragging the next day, and wishing for straight black coffee to keep me awake enough to function. Where’s the toothpicks when you need them? I need to see with my eyes and even they are turning against me.

OK, then maybe I’ll try some sleeping pills tonight. Hopefully I will dream I’m resting alone on the beach, hearing the waves break in the distance. And no one else is there but me. Calgon take me away….


The Cloud I Hide Behind

This morning began a little different than my usual one. I usually wake up at 5:30 am and lay out my husbands clothes. Then head to the kitchen to make his breakfast. And right about 6:15 sharp, he is kissing me good-bye as he heads out the door. But not without me adding our grand daughters favorite send off, “be safe.”

Not on this particular morning. I had a restless night and couldn’t sleep. I think I finally fell asleep around 2am. My mind was so busy I just couldn’t get comfortable. As I got into bed  and lay down next to my husbands side. I could hear the new sounds as he breathes. Ever since he was released from the hospital he hasn’t  sound the same. As he exhales there’s a loud paa sound. Before he got his c-pap he would snore so loud. I just couldn’t sleep. I remember a few times holding his nose and he would wake up and look at me, like what the heck are you doing? Id say, you were snoring. Then he’d roll over and go back to sleep. There was another time he was so loud I tried placing my pillow around my ears but that didn’t help. It only made me more upset. So I got this idea. What if I roll him on his side? The first time I tried to roll him on his side I rolled him right off the bed. I couldn’t believe what I had done. Oh my gosh, babe are you ok? My husband responds in this very sarcastic  annoyed tone, “yes!.” Umm you were snoring so loud I thought if I just turned you on your side… He interrupts, “turning me on my side is different then throwing me off the bed.” I want those moments back.  Last night I missed the silence of the c- cap. Heck I even missed the snoring but only just a tad.

What does this new sound all mean? Is this the beginning of bad things to come? No I can’t allow my mind to go to dark places like that. It’s to much to bare. I have a hard enough time blocking out the what if’s of my sister’s illness. I need need my trusted clouds. They bring me comfort. Because I can hide behind them and never see the truth that may a wait me. Sadly, last night no matter how hard I tried to go to happier times and moments. The storms kept rolling in like lighting bolts. Nothing seemed clear to me.

There is this song I’ve sung to my own children and to my grand children. When they come to me asking so many questions about the future or their own. It goes like this:

When I was just a little girl
I asked my mother, what will I be
Will I be pretty, will I be rich
Here’s what she said to me.

Que Sera, Sera,
Whatever will be, will be
The future’s not ours, to see
Que Sera, Sera
What will be, will be.

So I guess it’s my turn to say to my self, Que Sera, Sera,
Whatever will be, will be…

My Son the Artist


Portrait of Esther Huff  – By Randall Huff (My Son)


My Son

Randall Huff 

This post isn’t just any ordinary post. It’s near and dear to my heart, because it’s about a very talented young man, my son. I can’t wait to share with you all his talents. I am bursting at the seams and have butterflies in my stomach. 

Even as a small boy, I realized he had natural abilities. Whether it was drawing, making money or sports. it all came naturally. Drawing is one of his strongest points. When he was about four years old, I noticed he wasn’t drawing the typical circle with one or more lines in order to represent a human figure, which typically start out looking like “tadpoles” and then gradually become head-feet. His pictures looked similar to the average child at his age, except his pictures of human figures had ears, nose, and hair. Now, when it came to the concept of space, he was the normal four-year old (this continued until he was four and a half). He started to become more aware of the world around him, and any objects in his environment. I started to notice that the objects in his drawings weren’t organized on the page as you would expect. His typically appeared to “float.” 


I was still a young mother not familiar with children’s spatial organization. That came a few years later when I started working at a Child Development Center/ Preschool. I decided to take some classes in Early Childhood Development to help me become a better teacher and to aid in my own children’s development. I still had a lot to learn about how the small mind works. With all the hands-on and book smarts in early childhood development, I learned to have an eye in  early childhood development in art. I wish I would have known back then, what I know now. One of  things I learned about  creative development is that you  don’t tell a child his pictures are wrong or out of place.  When it came to my own son placing objects  like houses and trees in the air, I knew it was better for him to discover they do not float in the air on his own. Children need to discover this themselves. This helps bring out their creative development. If we interfere, it can stifel their creative development. Through the years his pictures developed into skillful master pieces. The one that stands out the most to me is the one I posted in the beginning of this post. It’s a portrait of me. I feel so honored.  Then I was blown away by the second picture which was a self-portrait of his own face. How incrediable is that?

I don’t know if it was me allowing him to develop his own creativity or this  talent was already there and just needed twinking.  But he went on to college and majored in Art. He was on the deans list throughout his college years. Several of his oil paintings and pencil drawing were on display in the gallery at the college he attended.  

I am so proud of the young man he has become. When he feels the passion running through his blood, he acts on it. Each piece becomes a work of art.

I once asked him, “Why don’t you do this as a full time job?” He replied, “Then it would become more of a job and I wouldn’t have any passion for it anymore.”

I thought about it. that makes sense. How creative can we be if it’s no longer fun, just a job?


I want to touch people with my art. I want them to say ‘he feels deeply, he feels tenderly.’

“Is Your View of the Bible the Right one?”

It is still interesting to me how people need proof something is real or not. It got me thinking, why is that? Is it in our up bringing, our envirnoment?

Take my children as an example. You bring then up from birth in the church, prayer before dinner and a private christain school. So you think with all those exposers, they will continue attrending church when they get their own place and family. But that wasn’t the case. Out of five children, two continued to attend. The envirnoment they were expose to was the same. Yet some embraced it and some didn’t. It’s the same thing with their belief in the Bible. Some believe it’s infallible, and some believe parts of it. Some believe that different men put different interpetation to certain passages. My self, I never questioned it. I never had the need to disect the bible the way that they do. My beliefs in the bible and it’s teachings are pretty clear and complete. I have no doubts.

What makes people different in their beliefs? Is it how they were raised or how their environment was? Is it group beliefs or individual doubts?

John 1:1
In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.


There is a very, very tall coconut tree and there are 4 animals,

A Lion…..

A Chimpanzee……

A giraffe…

and A Squirrel;…

They decide to compete to see who is the fastest to get a banana off the tree.
Who do you guess will win?
Your answer will reflect your personality.
So think carefully . . ..
Try and answer within 30 seconds. Got your answer?
Now scroll down to see the analysis….



If your answer is:
1. Lion = you’re dull.
2. Chimpanzee = you’re dense.
3. Giraffe = you’re a complete moron.
4. Squirrel = you’re hopeless.



Obviously you’re stressed and overworked.
You should take some time off and relax

I Can Breathe Again!

b photo5 jpg


Breast cancer today is the second most widespread type of cancer to be found after lung cancer.

Statistics for 2009

Being acquainted with the signs and symptoms of breast cancer can assist in saving your life. 

Identifying early signs really improves your treatment choices, your possibility for successful treatment, and your survival, if breast cancer is in found.

Breast cancer starts with abnormal cells growing in breast tissue.

However, knowing early signs of breast cancer is important.

Early breast cancer typically doesn’t lead to pain.  But as the cancer develops, it might lead to alterations that you are supposed to observe for:

* A lump or thickening in or near the breast or in the underarm area
* A alteration in the size or shape of the breast
* Nipple discharge or tenderness, or the nipple pulled back into the breast
* Ridges or pitting of the breast, making the skin look like the skin of an orange
* A alteration in the look or feel of the skin of the breast, areola or nipple like warmth, swelling, redness or scaliness






Since Dec 4th, my life as I see it  has been at a stand still. I wondered if I would be here to see my grandkids grow,  would I be here to enjoy time with my oldest daughter when she moves here, would I be here on earth long enough to show my children how much I love them, and how proud I am of each one, would I be able to enjoy the retiring years with the love of my life,  would I be here to see my sister get her liver? So many thoughts and wishes for more time.

One thing for sure, I never believed  I’d hear the news I did on Dec 4 th 2010. ” We found something on your right breast. We would like to do further testing. We feel it might be breast cancer.”  My doctor told me, “prepare for the worst.”  You know what? Not once did I play that tune in my head. I always believed it was ALL a big mistake. I don’t know if I will it, as much as I believe it was all the prayers for me. I had a biopsy, and the results were NO CANCER. I can breathe again!

Thank you Lord for one more chance to get it right.


“The longer I live, the more I realize the impact on life. Attitude, to me is more

important than facts. It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than

circumstances, than failures, then sucesses, than what other people think or say or do. It

is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company…

a church…a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice everyday regarding the

attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change the past…we cannot change the

fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing

we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude…I am convinced that

life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it. And so it is with you…we

are in charge of our Attitudes.”

 -by Charles Swindoll


What Does Valentine’s Day Mean to You?

Larry & Esther Huff – Dec 1973 to Feb 2010

What does Valentine’s Day mean to me?

I just love Valentine’s Day. It’s one of my favorite holidays! It’s a day to show how much you love your special some one (loves ones); how much they mean to you.

I personally don’t think Valentine’s Day is just for couples. I include showing my children and grand children how important and loved they are too. Now when it comes to my husband, this other person comes out of me. I get all mushy, giggly and very romantic-minded, like I’m 16 again. I know that must sound so silly, but that’s what happens to me each Valentine’s Day. I can’t wait to wake up & see how the day will go. What does he have in store for us, this special day?

The thing is, he’s rarely been the romantic type of man. If we have plans out, it’s because I have preplanned our day. See, I learned a long time ago, that if I want something to happen, I’d have to make sure it did. Please!! Don’t mistake this for whining or complaining. It’s quite the contrary. My point is, I know somewhere in that brain of his, he had passing thoughts like, “I could take her to dinner, buy her some flowers or should I buy her a gift?” But for my husband to put that thought in action, well let’s just say, it rarely goes any further than a thought. So instead of me getting all down and walking around sulking, I just make the plans and arrangements. This way we both get something from this. I get to go out with the most wonderful, loving husband, and he gets to believe it was his idea. It works for us!

This Valentine’s Day would turn out to be different. My sweet husband put his thoughts into action. He held me in his arms and said, “I love you!” Those words meant more to me than he’ll ever know. Because when he looked into my eyes and held me so close, I felt his love for me. He made me feel like 16 all over again. Then he did one more thing that stole my heart. He had bought me 20 ruby red roses. Let me explain why this is was so special. You see, I can count on one hand how many times my sweet husband has bought me roses, in 36 years. Four times. Today became five. I know if he made this much of an effort, I truely feel loved! By the way, I still have the first rose he ever gave me. It’s pressed between two pages of our wedding album. Today I get to add one more rose to the collection.

Valentine Gift

On Valentine’s Day,
I’m thinking about
the special ways
you have made my life better,
the little things,
the not-so-little things…
your kindness,
the way you always listen
and pay attention to me.
You make my world
brighter and richer.
You’re a gift to me,
and I thank you
for being you.

Valentine’s Day means to me, SHOWING those “you” love how much you love them.

What does Valentine’s Day mean to you?

Isn’t Fall Wonderful?

When I woke up this morning, my husband had opened our sliding door to let the cool air in. I took a few steps towards the  back door and I actually felt chilly. I just stood there, closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I didn’t want to miss one second of thus wonderful fall moment. With my eyes still closed I could hear the birds chirping and a couple of dogs barking, but nothing else. I thought, no matter what life throws my way today, you can’t take this serene smile from my face.

“Isn’t Fall Wonderful?”