Here we go again! Suspicions found on my mammogram

How do I start this post? I’m usually in a positive state
of mind when I receive negative results. But this time my nerves
are shot. But why? Let me back up a little and catch you up to
speed. I recently went back and had a mammogram done. It was a
follow up from a negative result a year ago. At that time the
radiologist said he had some concerns and wanted me to repeat the
mammogram test. After the second test they decided to do an
ultra-sound as well. The ultra-sound confirmed their suspicions. So
I was scheduled for a needle biopsy on my right breast. Well as it
should happen the tests were all being done around my anniversary
(36 yrs) and Christmas. I had to wait until after the New Year to
get the results. That seemed like the longest wait time to endure.
But at the end, thank goodness it was benign. That brings us to
today. After my year follow up mammogram test. (btw, my follow up
was suppose to be in six months.) I was called back this Monday
Dec. 20th and told the Dr needs me to come back and have another
mammogram done. He has some concerns. So here I am sitting in the
car as my husband drives me to my appt. I’m glad I’m not alone.
Last year I went to each and every appointment alone. Thinking it
would be a piece of cake. But it was anything but easy. It was
mentally taxing. So ‘here we go again’ it’s My anniversary, 37 years this this time and Christmas is but three days away. I’m sitting in Simon
Med Imaging waiting for my next mammogram test. Ok, Esther time to
think positive thoughts. The power of positive thinking really does
work. So that’s what I will do. Believe everything is going to be
ok. That this second test is just to double check that they really
looked me over well.


Fall Into You

This is a very sad song called…”Fall Into You.”  Made me think of my life and the choices I’ve made.  What if I lost everything I love the most? Would I be able to go on and be strong? Would I turn away and put blinders on, become so weak and not be able to see there was a higher being there who was waiting to catch me when I fall? Would all my hearing disappear and I just crumble? Which direction would I fall? What a powerful and touching song!

One of My Special Girls!

I remember the day I found out I was expecting you. I was so scared and unsure if I would be a good Mother. Before I knew it, you were breathing your first breath of air and crying out for me.” Hold me Mom, keep me safe.”  I took you into my arms and quickly your crying stopped. I looked at you in my arms. You seemed so tiny, so fragile. I was afraid I might break you right in my arms. I thought there is so much to learn about being a Mom. I had only one great example to go by. But I never saw her with anyone as small as you. But still, I remember she held me in her arms when I was sad, scared or sick. So that is what I’ll do. Hold you close in my arms until I know your alright. I realized as each day passed. You don’t need to be a perfect Mom, just a loving one. The rest will come naturally.

Turn Around

My baby, my own.

Turn around and you’re two.

Turn around and you’re four.

Turn around and you’re a young girl.


Going out of the door.

Turn around,  turn around and you’re a young wife.

With babes of your own.



Your beautiful from the inside in

And even though your all grown up

You’ll always be

My Special Girl


This post is dedicated to my first born, Jessica.