But You Don’t Look Sick!

The beautiful woman in the picture above is my big sister.

If you met my sister you probably would never know she was sick with a terrible disease like, advance cirrhosis of the liver.

Here’s a question my sister faces pretty often in her daily life. But you don’t look sick!

See one day she was going along with her life as she always had. Going to work, caring for her family and grand children, then she became so very ill and ended up in the hospital. While she was in the hospital and having many test done, this is when she found out she had cirrhosis of the liver. She had no idea she was that sick. She hadn’t felt herself for about a year. She was battling excruciating back pain, and side pain. She has never been the type of person to complain or whine if she isn’t feeling good. So no one had a clue how much she was suffering in silence. That’s why when she ended up in the hospital so sick, people were in shock. Because she didn’t LOOK sick. When she was released from the hospital, family, friends and co-workers started coming to visit her. The first thing out of their mouth was, “You don’t look sick.” my sister shook her head, then said, “how do they expect me to look?” I could tell this was becoming frustrating for her. Because only a small few knew what it took for her to look the way she does each morning. I am one of the those few.

It’s amazing what eye concealer, foundation, eye make-up, a bot load of medication and a great attitude can do. It’s not until my sister gets home from work, do you see the tiredness in her eyes, her walk is slower and the pain has set in with a vengeance. And only then is when you know how sick she really is. Some mornings I find her sprawled out on her bed unable to get up, because she has just thrown up for the umpth time. I suggest to my sister, ” why don’t you call in today? Even God took a day off.” but no, that is not my sister’s style. She’s to busy worrying about Christmas coming. Always trying to help the other person, never thinking of her self first. I know people mean well. They don’t make that comment to upset or hurt her. Maybe they feel if they say it enough, it might, will the disease away. Wouldn’t that be wonderful?

Eleanor Roosevelt said it best, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” The longer she lives with this disease, the more I realize how true that statement is.

Esther

Kids Say the Darndest Things!

I thought I’d share with you something that happened this morning, that was very funny. Um, I’m really surprised that I am sharing this, because actually you would think this is really embarrassing. Most people don’t normally want to share this type of experience, but it was so cute and innocent and funny. I just had to share.

My grandson this morning, comes up to hug me, and then he stops, and he kind of backs away very carefully and he gives me a gentle hug, and trying hard not to get to close. Then all of a sudden he says,” Mimi, I’m going to be careful because I don’t think i should hug you to tight.’ Then I ask him “Why, why not? Go ahead you can give me a big hug!” and he says, “No, I don’t want to hurt your baby inside your stomach.” I step back for a second, with my mouth open wide and begin laughing so hard and then said, ‘I don’t have a baby inside my stomach.” and he responds, “You don’t? and he goes, Oh! and I looked at him with this huge smile on my face, giggling. I said, “No, Joaquin! That’s not a baby in there. Mimi’s just fat! I just need to lose weight.”  Joaquin then asked me, “well, how do you do that?”  I said, ”I will have to stay away from cookies and cake, that’s how I will do that.”  He then says, “Then you’d better stay away from those cookies and cake, so you make yourself not be fat.”  I can’t even control my laughter. I must have sounded like jolly ol Santa, I was laughing so much. As I try to regain my composure, I reply, “okay, i’ll do just that!”

Kids say the darndest things! They can be so funny, at the same time so innocent and mean well.  They’re not trying to hurt our feelings. They are  just being honest as children are. But when he did that, wow! did a big light bulb go off in my head. Because, when your grand child comes to you, and thinks there’s a baby inside your stomach! Lady it’s time to get serious with WW!!! lol 

I hoped you enjoyed reading this short story, as much as I enjoyed writing it.

“The Phone Call!”

It seems we have all been waiting for this call for a very long time, but when it finally arrives you can’t believe the words that you hear on the other end of the receiver. Someone pinch me! Is this a dream? I can hear the phone ringing and wonder, who can that be? Awe, it’s my sister Olga. The same one you see holding my hand in the picture above. We were so young back then, and had no idea what kind of life would be handed to us down the road. Life seemed so easy and carefree. We never dreamt we would be facing a challenge like Advance Cirrhosis of the Liver.

But she says with excitement in her voice, “sister! Joe Kerns left a message with another nurse, to give to me before he left on his vacation.” I asked, “what did he say sister?” (we don’t call each other by our names. We have always referred to each other as sister) Sister says, “I have been accepted by the Transplant Team!” I can hear her excitement in her voice, and I know she can hear the excitement in mine. I am overwhelmed with emotion. We both are! We both knew there was a chance she might not be accepted. But instead we had great news! I let sister know that I would be letting everyone know the good news.  As soon as I got off the phone I closed my eyes and said, “My Heavenly Father, thank you.”

Footprints Prayer

Footprints in the Sand

One night I had a dream…
I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord, and
Across the sky flashed scenes from my life.
For each scene I noticed two sets of footprints in the sand;
One belonged to me, and the other to the Lord.
When the last scene of my life flashed before us,
I looked back at the footprints in the sand.
I noticed that many times along the path of my life,
There was only one set of footprints.
I also noticed that it happened at the very lowest and saddest times in my life
This really bothered me, and I questioned the Lord about it.
“Lord, you said that once I decided to follow you,
You would walk with me all the way;
But I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life,
There is only one set of footprints.
I don’t understand why in times when I
needed you the most, you should leave me.
The Lord replied, “My precious, precious
child. I love you, and I would never,
never leave you during your times of
trial and suffering.
When you saw only one set of footprints,
It was then that I carried you.”
                                                        

 

Isn’t Fall Wonderful?

When I woke up this morning, my husband had opened our sliding door to let the cool air in. I took a few steps towards the  back door and I actually felt chilly. I just stood there, closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I didn’t want to miss one second of thus wonderful fall moment. With my eyes still closed I could hear the birds chirping and a couple of dogs barking, but nothing else. I thought, no matter what life throws my way today, you can’t take this serene smile from my face.

“Isn’t Fall Wonderful?”

“Remembering and Honoring My Mother”

October eleventh of each year I usually become very sad, because that is the day I lost my mother. In all honesty it doesn’t get any easier on this date, because I can remember the events just like they were yesterday. But the last two years have become easier. Why? Because two year ago today my grand baby Brielle was born. So instead of looking at this day with sadness. I have something to rejoice!

Ever since I was a young girl, all I ever wanted was to meet my mother. I often wondered if I looked anything like her, if we liked the same music, the same foods. I longed to know what it felt like to feel her arms wrapped around me, making me feel safe and loved.  When I was forty one years old,  my hopes and dreams came true.  With each visit I learned more and more about my mother. She was quite a dancer, had a great sense of humor, excellent cook, and that chinese food was her favorite.

Sadly we found out she was battling lung, liver and kidney cancer. Her doctor told me, ” I’m sorry there is nothing more we can do for her. Let her have what ever she wants within reason. She only has about six to mine more months.”   I wondered why God, would  take her from me again? I just found her and you need her now? But like anything else in my life, I accepted the cards that were dealt to me. I’m not saying I liked it. I just know there’s nothing I can do to change it.

Let me share a little bit more about my mom. Even though my mom barely had a high school diploma, and only stood at 4 ft 11″, she was smart about life and knew what it took to be successful and she wanted that for me. She would tell me “Remember to always be able to take care of yourself.” But she also knew that you had to know how to take care of your man. She would always say, “Take care of your man and he will take care of you ten-fold.” I took all that advice to heart. And to this day, I take those words very seriously. What an incredibly strong, amazing woman she was.

Do I have any regrets? Just one. I never got to find out what it felt like to feel her arms wrapped around me. On a good note. We now celebrate a new life!

Mom, we miss you so very much
On this date every year;
And not just then, but every minute,
Since you went away.

 

 

You became the center of our lives
Before your soul passed on;
It’s just so hard for us to believe
That you are really gone.

 

 

But we celebrate the life you lived
And all the things you gave us;
Our wonderful memories, Mom, of you
Are the things that will comfort and save us.

 

 

Please think of us, as we think of you
With hearts so full of love;
We’re looking up at you, my Mom,
As you look at us from above. 

I Love & Miss You!

Mom

 

“Conquering My Fears”

I’ll let you in on a little secret of mine. I’m extremely fearful of heights. This did not stop my son Ran from insisting  that I conquer my fears on his birthday, which was September 10, 2009. Let me back up a little - I had asked my son Ran if there was anything special he’d like to do on his birthday day?  He said, “Yes, I’d like to go to the Science Museum with just you.” I felt so honored that my son would like to spend part of his special day alone with me. Talk about lumps in the throat as big as an avocado pit. So off we both went to the Phoenix Science Museum. We had a blast exploring all the interesting exhibits. Then, as we’re about to leave, we both notice this exhibit called the “Bike Cycle.”  The bike is balancing on a cable about 20 feet above the ground. I actually had to talk my son into trying the bike cycle. Once he did, he seemed pretty happy he had. I thought after he was done we would be leaving, but no he insisted it was now my turn.  Nervously laughing I said, ” no way!”  Then my son says, “Come on, Mom. Conquer your fears for my birthday, okay?” Shrugging my shoulders and slowly dragging my feet, I paid for my turn. Trust me when I say. I was very scared. My hands were sweating and shaking , and my heart felt like it was going to jump out of my chest at any moment.  But I did it and even gave a little wave at the end.

“Sometimes we just have to face our fears in the face and just laugh!”

Night of the Living Dead…Starring Alisa Huff

 My grand daughter Alisa, isn’t the typical 13th year-old in 8th grade. She has always had a flair for the arts, as a matter of fact. When she was a baby, she loved to act on cue; she would giggle, smile, cry, or looked shocked or worried. She is an amazing kid. You should have seen her on that stage tonight. I was the proudest grandma sitting watching her play her part. I wasn’t even nervous for some reason. I knew in my heart she would give 110%. She played a Zombie in the play, Night of the Living Dead. Based on the 1968 screenplay by George Romero. After the show my sister Olga & I each gave her a dozen roses. Her Mom Jennifer, gave her two large bags of candy she requested. My Alisa was one happy young lady tonight. Let me add – Alisa also enjoys writing songs, stories, drawing pictures, singing, and playing the guitar. I wish I had some of her special talents. But since I don’t, I will just enjoy living them through her. I’m so proud of her. Can you tell? lol

Starring Alisa Huff

I Saw Life Through Different Eyes Today

My sister Olga is fighting the battle of her life, she has cirrhosis of the liver, advance stage. You would think this would change her in some way, but no,  she still wakes up with a smile on her face. I saw life through different eyes today after said to me, “Sister, if I was told I had only six more months to live, I wouldn’t just lay in my bed and feel sorry for myself and give up. I would get up and live my life to the fullest.”  What an incredible lady she is. I’ve always been proud of my sister, but today I am in awe.

Thoughts

 

I’m finding that it’s very hard to find the time and a quiet place to write. Sometimes the best times my inspirations come to me, seem to be when I’m power walking. I wish I had a voice recorder with me, so I could talk into it, and start recording all my thoughts.  Sometimes my own thoughts and memories bring tears to my eyes. I know by the time I get home the perfect words, (or the words “I” so call perfect”) will vanish, just as time does. How hard can it be to take a recorder with me? Maybe it’s something I can do sometime. I wish it was that easy, but I walk with my daughter at times and at other times with my husband & grand children, so that could hamper my creativity.

 All I know is, I do enjoy writing down my thoughts and feelings each day. It’s become a way of venting for me. If I’m having a difficult day, or having a very exciting day I want to be able to express it and log all my thoughts into my new Journal, Blog? What do I call it?  I guess as time passes, I’ll know what to name it. For now I’m just glad I have a place to go to vent and ramble on and on…

Hello world!

 It is now 2:35 AM, and I am still wide awake. I finally have my blog up and running. Now all I have to do is put a lot of work into it.

“All Good Things Take Time…